on April 15th, 2015 1 Comment
My babies were three days old when my husband offered to get take-out from one of our favorite restaurants. I said, “Yes,” as I might have said it before the girls were born. But as soon as he left I realized this was my first time alone with my twins. In the small, silent room, I whispered to them, “Okay girls. It’s just you and me. Be good for mommy.”
Everything was quiet for a while, until one started crying. I picked her up and rocked slowly side to side. Just when she calmed, the other started crying. That got the first one crying again, this time louder and more distressed. I had one baby crying in my arms and the other crying in a bassinet and I didn’t know what to do.
The day-to-day challenge of multiples is simply this: There may be multiple of them, but there’s often only one of you
Was it five minutes? Ten? It seemed like eternity. I tried putting them on the bed next to each other, and leaning over to hug them both at once. They hated it. Unable to choose one over the other, I found myself choosing neither. I felt absolutely overwhelmed.
Finally, an early Beatles song came to mind, and I sang it softly to them. “Tell me why-y-y-y you cry…” When I saw how my singing quieted them, suddenly the tears started pouring out of my eyes, but I didn’t dare stop singing: “Is there anything that I can do? ‘Cause I really can’t stand it, I’m so in love with you.”
“Hello!” My husband returned with the take-out. My face was red hot, my eyes half blind from crying, my nose uselessly stuffed, my throat caught. I was a mess. And I was singing – badly. But my babies weren’t crying anymore.
That’s when I knew – I mean really felt – that I was their mom. I could hardly believe there was a moment even a minute long when I felt so alone and helpless. Their dad took one baby, I took the other; we fed them, we changed them, we tucked them back to sleep. And after it all, the food was still warm.
The day-to-day challenge of multiples is simply this: There may be multiple of them, but there’s often only one of you. Sometimes your babies need more of you than you have to give. You love them equally and you don’t like having to choose one to take care of first while another waits and cries for you. You will envy the single moms of single babies who complain that they must hold their baby all the time. You wish you could hold your babies all the time – the best you can do for them is one at a time.