Osbourne published his first column in The Sunday Times Magazine earlier this month and is currently having his genome sequenced as research for an upcoming piece. In his debut column, Osbourne explains why he's qualified to dispense health advice despite his lack of medical credentials:
By all accounts I’m a medical miracle. When I die, I should donate my body to the Natural History Museum. It’s all very well going on a bender for a couple of days - but mine went on for 40 years. At one point I was knocking back four bottles of cognac a day, blacking out, coming to again, and carrying on. While filming The Osbournes I was also shoving 42 types of prescription medication down my neck, morning, noon and night - and that was before all the dope I was smoking in my “safe” room, away from the cameras. Meanwhile, I used to get through cigars like they were cigarettes. I’d even smoke them in bed...
...I suppose when people hear stories like that, they might think I’m too much of a bad example to give advice. I wouldn’t argue with them - and I’d hate for anyone to think: “Oh, if Ozzy survived all that outrageous behaviour, so can I.” But d’you know what? If people can learn from my stupid mistakes without having to repeat any of them; or if they can take some comfort from the crazy things my family has been through over the years; or if just hearing me talk about colonoscopies makes them less embarrassed about getting tested for colon cancer, that’s more than enough for me. Dr Ozzy’s job will be done. One last thing: being a hypochondriac, I’ll never tell someone to just stop worrying and/or come back later if their symptoms get worse. In Dr Ozzy’s surgery, everything will get taken seriously.
Some may find it outlandish that Osbourne is penning a health column. But I'm with Dr. Ozzy. If his celebrity status and crazy stories raise public awareness about medical issues and motivate readers to make healthier choices, that's a good thing. Still, I'd get a second opinion from my primary care doctor before following any advice from Dr. Ozzy. After all, he did bite the head off a bat.
Photo by Fabio Ikezaki