The fictional character Bridget Jones drew melancholy in the presence of "smug marrieds" as a single woman. I thought of her term, and other ways experience shapes one's perspective and perceived status in social interactions, when reading a CommonHealth blog post today by guest contributor and executive producer Karen Shiffman.
Shiffman explains why, through no fault of the happy parents, someone else's celebration can feel particularly abrasive to the childless-not-by-choice around Mother's Day. Whether because of infertility, previous illness, divorce or other reasons for not becoming pregnant, or losing a child through miscarriage, death or estrangement, she writes, Mother's Day isn't "flowers, manicures, homemade cards" to every woman.
From the piece:
...For me, Mother’s Day is the hardest date on the calendar: I can’t have children and will never be a biological mother. Bad genes, bad luck and a huge cancer scare a while back left me without a womb and a few other body parts.
...As Mother’s Day approached, I didn’t do much better. My family went out for a celebratory brunch; I stayed home. I said it was too painful to be out with all those happy moms and families. I took my mother out to dinner later that week.
She later advises: "So on Mother’s Day, celebrate to the hilt. And the week after, check in on a friend who might have struggled that day."
Previously: An in-depth look at fertility and cancer survivorship, Study highlights fertility-related concerns of young cancer survivors, A need to provide infertility counseling to cancer patients and Ask Stanford Med: Director of Female Sexual Medicine Program responds to questions on sexual health
Photo by Quinn Dombrowski